I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
