wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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