He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
