Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
