Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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