The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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