i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
