At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
