For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
