I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
