Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
