You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
