Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
