I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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