So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
