i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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