hotel room ftw
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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