Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Every concussion has its silver lining
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
