I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
