You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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