oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
