it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
