Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize