I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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