OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
