Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
