You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
