You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
