im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize