so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
