it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
