all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
