got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He passed out mid-signature
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think your dad took our porno
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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