How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
