I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i barfeds in our rink
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
