remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
