even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
