I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
