Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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