So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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