I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
