I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
