just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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