So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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