So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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