some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
