i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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