There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
