Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
