He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
