i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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