So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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