Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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