i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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