you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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