Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
did i just pee glitter
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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