I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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