there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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