We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
