Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
