HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize