I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
