never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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