It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
