The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
