Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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