i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
