Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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