He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
