I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
