dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
