i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She bit a glass in half.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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