Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
